Boundaries

Jun 4th, 2009 by Trace

Many people don’t believe that kids actually want boundaries or restrictions in their lives. I’m telling you they do! People and parents don’t believe this because they aren’t aware of, don’t understand, or don’t believe in the spiritual nature of an individual. Secular theorists would refer to the spiritual nature in terms of the subconscious–among other things. Most distraught parents see their kids craving and pursuing things like illicit entertainment, drugs, sex, or a myriad of other dangerous things, and would argue that Junior is doing what Junior wants to do. I would only agree that Junior’s carnal nature is pursuing these things; but, Junior’s carnal nature isn’t the sum total of what Junior is as a human being. Because humans are created in the image of God, there is a remnant of the attributes of God in Junior, as in all people, which helps a person’s spiritual side understand and crave love, goodness, peace, joy, and relationship with others. Security is found in all of these things –as well as in the other attributes of our Creator. There is security in boundaries. The deeper side of Junior wants boundaries for this very reason. Unless Junior, or anyone for that matter, disciplines himself to heed his deeper side—the spiritual side that understands and craves love, goodness, peace, joy, and relationship with others—Junior is at war within his self—just like the Apostle Paul in Romans 7. And the more Junior heeds the cravings of his carnal side (by an act of his will—perhaps this is where soul and spirit are divided), the weaker his spiritual side becomes resulting in a greater inability to control his flesh—creating a more determined juvenile delinquent. And without parents to help discipline a child so that his spiritual side can grow and dominate his flesh to a greater degree, Junior doesn’t fare too well. This breeds a terrible insecurity in Junior that will manifest itself in all kinds of delinquent behavior. Boundaries foster security. Consistently enforced boundaries foster it even more. This is essential for emotional, behavior, and spiritual health. As parents are diligent to enforce boundaries consistently, Junior’s security level goes up—hopefully to the point of independence where Junior can eventually be self-disciplined in due time. But the independent ability to have Junior’s flesh heed his spirit is jump-started and grows as parents take the time to create relationships and consistently enforced boundaries with their children—not legalistic traditions, but wise and practical boundaries that make sense to you and are congruent with the heart of God and His Word. Proverbs 29: 15 says, “A child left to himself disgraces his mother.” Without a parent to enforce boundaries, the child is much less likely to do it on his own. His brain hasn’t developed that far yet; so, it is up to his parents to shape his spiritual side until the biology finally catches up. But the adult brain has been developed; therefore, we have an obligation and responsibility to steer Junior in a proper direction—even if, at times, we need to do it by force. Without speed limits and police to enforce them, even adults would drive down the highway with much less regard for their own safety and the safety of others. But we DO have speed laws and police to enforce them. And if we get out of line, they are there to force us to behave ourselves—even as free adults.